Das...Swine Flü?

So, being at college has finally come with a caveat: swine flu. Yep, those damn pigs have finally taken revenge on me for not eating them. Well, not me technically, but seemingly 30-40% (projected) of the student body. My RA came into my room yesterday to talk about what to do if someone catches swine flu. Here's the gist:

1. Freak out.

Ok, maybe not literally, but you know that will be the first thing on everyone's mind. Hypochondriacs will have a field day. Here is what is really supposed to happen:

1. Tell the RA.
2. Be quarantined in your room. Literally. Not even your roommate is allowed in.
3. Be sent home so that you can infect your dad as revenge for sending you to this college (unless you have a young child or grandparents living with you).
4. Feel like you were just lobotomized by a baseball bat.

That's about it. Somehow, I feel like the school is just embellishing a bit so as to make us a little more germ-conscientious; however, I now spray everything with Lysol, so congratulations school, you win. This time.

Here's hoping that I don't become a victim of a ham sandwich,
Das Flüg