Das Düfüs! (In case you have not yet figured it out, I replace my "U's" with umlaos.)

In case you did not understand the concept of this picture, it is Barney Stinson (Neil Patrick Harris) displaying one of his many idiosyncratic rules to Bro-dom: The Hot-Crazy Scale. The underlying concept of this is to weigh a girl's hotness to her craziness and see which one comes out on top. Yes girls, you are just a bit crazy, even if you don't want to admit it.

Aside from the How I Met Your Mother reference (Monday nights, 8 P.M., CBS; no, I was not paid to say that), I shall relate a story of how some girls tiptoe the line, while others drive a tank over it.

My first story comes from my friend, who, for the purpose of anonymity, will be called Willie; the girl will be called Stephanie. Willie had been dating Stephanie for the better part of a year and several months. Things had seemed to go well, except for several instances of Stephanie becoming irritated because Willie had chosen to spend some time with his friends instead of being incarcerated in her company. As the story was related to me, Willie, Stephanie and a friend were driving and Willie had to use the bathroom (Willie usually has to pee every 10 minutes; he seems to have the bladder of a pregnant woman). When Willie stepped out of the car to relieve himself, Stephanie apparently began vilifying Willie in front of the friend (let's call him "Jim," just for the hell of it). She began saying things such as "This is the last straw," and "I've had enough." Needless to say, Jim was bewildered. Anyone and everyone who knows Willie knows that his bladder is the size of a peanut. So, Willie and Stephanie had a fight and broke up. Then, according to several other stories that I have heard, Stephanie went crazy and began to hook up with extremely random people, all the while stating that she was the innocent victim of his bladder. Willie, on the other hand, was confounded at what had happened. He wallowed around for a bit until he hooked up with a much hotter girl at a party. Oddly enough, Stephanie found out, made her facebook status "Willie and (Jane) hooked up... that's really cute <3." Just another demonstration of how facebook can be used to wage impersonal attacks. Sad.

My second story comes directly from me, sadly enough. I had started hooking up with a girl early in August. Quite literally, the second time we met up, she invited me to her house, and since she was driving, I had no reason to not agree. Upon entering her house, she introduced me to her entire family. When I say entire family, I don't mean her parents and siblings; I mean her grandparents and some extended family. Obviously, I felt like suddenly remembering that I had a dentist's appointment in 5 minutes. I suffered through that LARGE ordeal and continued to hook up with her for several more weeks. I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, seeing as she thought that her family had left (not to mention that she is a dancer, nice body). After that, we had a short talk about how, since we are going to colleges in separate states, should not pursue a relationship. I also did not want a relationship with her since we had nothing in common, and usually nothing to talk about. However, several weeks later, I went to pick her up at her house. She told me to come in, for whatever reason. Being a gentleman, I obliged, only to find myself in an awkward confrontation with her mother, father, and pregnant sister. It seems that she had invited me in (at least superficially) to watch a video of Tiger Woods farting while playing golf. Fascinating, eh? I also find it fascinating that she was forcing me to meet her family, even though I told her EXPLICITLY that I did not want a relationship. I did not want any of the caveats of a relationship; I only wanted to have a good time. Essentially, I was hoping that the bastion of "friends with benefits" would hold solid. I have not talked to her since then.

To you women (if any read this blog anyway), do not take offense; these are only singular cases (hopefully). I am hoping that not all girls are emotionally dependent, or a little odd in the head, or anything of the sort. Honestly, you can't control the world and force us into relationships. You need to realize that if we do not want to be in a relationship, your efforts to force us into one will only end with a dissolved friendship. I advise you to think logically before you take any such action.

Sorry that this entry hasn't had the usual pleasantries. I'll rectify that in my next entry.

Das Flüg

Das Müsic!

Ah, music. For so many generations, music has guided us through periods of strife, carried stories through ancestries, inspired some, entranced others. Music has been a constant force in human development, even before the creation of instruments. It mirrors our thoughts and everyday actions in our lives. That begs the question, what does contemporary music reflect about our society?

I'll use the top ten songs according to www.billboard.com to make some general views about our society. At number 1, we have "I Gotta Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas. This song is primarily about going out every night to get drunk and be licentious, not to mention the repetitive and unoriginal lyrics (naming the days of the week and repeating the same verse over and over does NOT count as creativity). Also, the autotune only makes people sound constipated. Stop it.
At number 2, we have "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus. Sadly, it's just an itinerary of her travel from LAX to a dance club. It's really not that interesting, and honestly, I can't understand a damned word that she says. To me, at least, it sounds like an Alvin and the Chipmunks reunion.
At number 3, we have "Run This Town," by Jay-Z, Kanye West, and Rihanna. I will admit that it is a well made song, though the repetitive beat in the background sounds like a dog barking (after a while). I do respect Jay-Z for his activism, though I am not the hugest fan of any of them. The unfortunate aspect of such a fast song is the lack of lyrical development, as some words are just thrown in for the sake of a rhyme scheme. This song, on the whole, is mainly about spending money that is earned through their careers. So far, so meh.
At number 4, we have "You Belong with Me," by Taylor Swift. The lyrics reflect the loneliness of a less-than-popular girl who is enamored with her friend, who is dating the paragon of beauty (and empty-headedness). While it is a step up from Miley Cyrus, the idea is banal. I will give credit to Swift's singing voice (and from what I hear, a winning personality). She certainly does have talent, and this song is a good starting point for her to develop her creativity.
At number 5, we have "Use Somebody," by Kings of Leon. They are my friend's new favorite band, and I will admit that they do have talent, but they aren't my type of music. The lyrics reflect a lonely protagonist, possibly in love with someone that he cannot attain. One interesting facet about this song is the use of bass, which is very, very rare (unless, of course, you listen to the Red Hot Chili Peppers). It is a decent song, but not one that I would continually listen to. Once is enough for me.
At number 6, we have "Best I ever Had," by Drake. He sings about a girl that he has sex with. He also repeats the same lyrics over and over in the same verse. 'Nuff said.
At number 7, we have "Down," by Jay Sean featuring Lil' Wayne. It has something to do with only being with one girl and repeating the word "down" redundantly. When Lil' Wayne chimes in, I feel like I would have a better time translating whale sounds. Also, the autotune is excessive and extraordinarily terrible. Please, no more.
At number 8, we have "Knock you Down" by Keri Hilson, featuring Kanye West and Ne-Yo. Hilson sings about being surprised by falling in love with some Kanye West. I find that implausible, seeing as Kanye West is so in love with himself AND his ego. There is no room left for anything else. Aside from that, the chorus is used excessively and there is very little lyrical variation.
At number 9, we have "Good Girls Go Bad," by Cobra Starship featuring Leighton Meester. It has something to do with being so "badass," that any girl to enter the vicinity of this aforementioned baddassery turns into a raging slut. I understand the need for party songs, but I have heard this song before (in many different forms). It's instantly regrettable.
Finally, at number 10, we have "Hotel Room Service," by Pitbull. It is about meeting a girl in a hotel room to, I assume, compare stock and trading strategies. This song is as enjoyable as receiving a vasectomy from a billy goat. I'm not exactly sure how that would work, but I assure you, it would not be pleasant.

So, what have we learned about contemporary society from looking at the top 10 songs in America? Well, the lesson is simple: we are full of bullshit.

Das Flüg