Westboro Baptist Church visits Rutgers; decide to "fuck it."

Standing out in the rain, the members of the Westboro Baptist Church decided to "fuck it" and leave 45 minutes before they had scheduled to do so. Students packed the sidewalks, sporting signs such as "Balls in my ass"(http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs057.snc3/14447_165171826111_728276111_2660757_433267_n.jpg) and one which simply stated "AHHHHHHH!"
The members of the WBC arrived early, 15 minutes early to be exact, which is odd for them because they believe that God hates punctuality. Just as soon as they had arrived and upon seeing the hordes of half-drunk, half-serious students and decently good-looking girls, they exclaimed "Fuck it!" and left.
"I ain't gonna be standin' round lookin' at these hot chicks! Shit! I have an inbred wife at home and she has 3 titties!" said one John Dickus of the WBC. The members of the WBC were then packed into their van, which looked mysteriously like the Mystery Machine, and drove away.
"They were here?" asked Rutgers sophomore Davis Field. "I just came here because I wanted to get with Angie over there, the cute brunette." Davis just might get his wish.
The WBC posted on their website the reason for protesting at Rutgers: "Rutgers Hillel - You have two mascots? God H8s Fags already 93 College Ave Why does New Jersey have to be so friggin' weird about everything? These guys have two mascots at this college. Is that in case one of them is offensive to someone? I'm just sayin'! WBC needs to have a few words with these young people because all of the people who ever had any influence over them - LIED! What did you do that for? Why did you lie to those kids. Oh well, they're all grown up now, so they must find out for themselves that God is NOT a liar, like you told them He is."
If anyone understands backwoods moron, please translate.

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In actuality, I arrived after the members of the church left. I didn't even get to whip out my sign. They actually did leave early, as Rutgers students outflanked and outgunned the WBC members about 20-1. I was hoping to write about a heated protest, shouts, civil unrest, etc., but noooo. Even newschannel 4 left early. God damn.

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