Friday, April 22, 2011

Canceling Rutgersfest

This past Tuesday, Rutgers president Richard McCormick announced that he has canceled Rutgersfest for the foreseeable future. The annual concert, which has brought bands and performers such as Pitbull and Brand New, came under fire this year for 4 shootings and 11 arrests that occurred off of College Avenue campus in the late-night partying that ensued after the concert. New Brunswick police blamed the concert for attracting unsavory characters from all around and concentrating them in New Brunswick, essentially making College Avenue campus a boiling pot with no release; in essence, it was bound to explode. I find all of these excuses to be absurd.

First, I would like to quote President McCormick’s e-mail that he sent to the student body:
Many streets were congested with people and there were multiple reports of
disruptive conduct. Near the College Avenue campus there were many rowdy
student house parties, incidents of public intoxication, littering, and
vandalism, and several altercations among students and other
individuals. Most disturbing to report, four non-Rutgers people were
shot in three incidents during the course of the evening. The fact that
none of these shootings resulted in life-threatening injuries does not
diminish their violence, and I am gravely concerned about the danger to
our students and our neighbors.


That sounds like any typical Friday night (or even Thursday) at Rutgers, except without the shootings (or at least as many of them). If anyone has ever been to Rutgers on a Friday night, one could find “many rowdy student house parties, incidents of public intoxication, littering, and vandalism, and several altercations among students and other individuals.” Not only that, but people get mugged weekly while drunkenly stumbling around College Avenue. There are only 2 reasons why McCormick is actually canceling Rutgersfest: 1. It has been a terrible year for PR at Rutgers, and 2. Large pressure from the NBPD, who yearly have to deal with large, impossible crowds and large amounts of drunken disorderlies.
While I do understand the need for McCormick to feel that he has to take some sort of drastic action to counter all the negativity that has struck this school over the past 2 semesters, canceling the largest student celebration is not it. Those who were shot, did the shooting, and those who were arrested were all non-Rutgers students.




Shown: People NOT from Rutgers.

Don’t penalize all students for something that is clearly not the fault of the student body. Maybe reforming the concert for students only and having non-students pay a fee to enter would deter some, but obviously the main attraction is partying. As long as there are parties in Rutgers, people from all over are still going to come to this college and act stupidly. Unless McCormick somehow bans alcohol and turns Rutgers dryer than Dick Cheney’s internal organs, then I somehow doubt that people are going to stop coming here to have a good time.
As a reaction to the president’s decision, students have begun several Facebook events, including “Ragefest 2012″ and “Slutgersfest 2012,” among others. It’s obvious that there is not way to stop students from having their fun, so President McCormick, don’t be so strong-handed. We understand that it’s been a tough year for Rutgers; trust me, we’ve all lived through it. It’s enough to drive anyone to an extreme. Just trust me when I say that taking away our biggest privilege is not the way to rectify all problems.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Destiny

I think I've found my true calling in life: president. I hope that one day, I can rise through the ranks of politics and become a senator, nay, president, and lead America to a better future where cars actually fly, all energy is renewable and everyone has free health care.

Nah, just kidding. I think I'll just be homeless. I think it's easier.

DF

Monday, April 4, 2011

What's a Snooki?

If you don't go to Rutgers, read the news, or hear anything about anything, then you probably haven't heard of the whole controversy surrounding Rutgers paying Snooki $32,000 to perform (whatever her kind of performance is) in front of the student body. If you don't know who Snooki is, then I applaud you and by all means, you don't have to read any further. Seriously, stop reading. It gets depressing after this paragraph.


That's a Snooki. What exactly comprises a Snooki is unknown, but after some scientific investigation, it is believed to have emerged out of a combination of Grumpy of the seven dwarfs, shame, and a particularly virulent strain of gonorrhea. She attained fame after being a whiney, strung-up harpie on a show called Jersey Shore, which may quite possibly be the absolute nadir for idiocy on television. She is about as tall as a garden gnome, and may just be related to some since she seems to be able to grow a beard at a moment's notice. Also, if she becomes infatuated with you, I would suggest arming yourself to the teeth with machetes and attack dogs. If all else fails, have a flame thrower because cutting of her head won't stop her.
Anyway, Rutgers paid her $32,000 to do a "comedy show," though the extent of her comedy would be her throwing up and having sex with the fattest person in the room after a night of excessive drinking. She likely also yelped like a chihuahua and then curled up into a ball to sleep. The largest point of contention is not just hiring her, but that she was paid more than the commencement speaker and Nobel laureate, Toni Morrison. Many are saying that it is a clear sign of the priorities at Rutgers, seeing as Snooki told students to "study hard, and party harder." Seriously.
I'm quite sure that Snooki got a 10 on the SATs even though 400 points are given for writing your name. Snooki once ate a worm because she thought that it was made of "gummies." She was 20. Snooki once confused George Washington for her grandfather because they are both old and dead. Snooki played "the troll" in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Snooki drinks out of a toilet when she's thirsty. Snooki's make-up qualifies her as a barbie doll, except she was denied to be one because she's too ugly and continually saps the souls and money of innocent men. I think you get the picture.

Either way, it's an affront to good sense and education. If you're going to get a comedian, at least get one that's funny and of good repute.

That's all for now,
Das Flüg