Saturday, July 31, 2010

Random Thought of the Week

If Kim Jong Il didn't know that the US's drinking age is 21 and then found it out, he should then change North Korea's legal drinking age to 14 and keep the borders closed. That way, it becomes the most exclusive party on the planet.

That's all for now,
Das Flüg

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Response Numero 1

"Anonymous said...

why does summer inspire some to spend all there time outside and yet others to stay inside shunning the light?"

Dear Anonymous,
Assuming that there is no greater existential meaning behind "shunning the light," perhaps indirectly referring to a Sartrean reality where the "light" is some sort of pure metaphysical (or corporeal) being without the hindering presence of others, I would have to say that summer inspires the aforementioned behavior because of the person's sociability. I, for example, do go outside to run, play soccer and/or baseball, and search desperately for a job (though I ended that search eons ago).

I suppose it also depend on the person's friends, as in whether or not they have anything more unique to do than just sit around in their underwear all day, while waking up at noon and playing video games. But, I digress.

Also, it's hot. It's the hottest July ever. (Expletive deleted)

I hope that sufficiently answers your query. If you (again) have any topic about which my thoughts and opinions would be greatly valued, then please, leave a comment below. I honestly have nothing better to do. Danke und auf fiderzen!

That's all for now,
Das Flüg

Monday, July 26, 2010

Mindlessly Meandering

'Ello govna,
Summer, as you probably already know, is a pretty lazy time for me. Most days, I hardly ever get dressed or even expose my fragile pale skin to the damaging ultraviolet rays of the sun. Aside from acting like a cockroach/hermit, I kind of run out of inspiration for writing topics. Thus, I am relying on you, my only reader, to give me something about which to write. My fate is in your hands.

That's all for now,
Das Flüg

P.S. Be sure to check out my friend's and my Youtube account for random videos. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you will pretend to enjoy it because otherwise, in the words of Ivan Drago, "I will break you." Unwanted Guests Productions!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

A Serious Man Post

Since I haven't done a political piece in a while, I figure that the one person who actually reads my blog (You) would appreciate something well-written and erudite. Hooray for consideration!

What's on my mind right now is the possible connection between the release of the Lockerbie bomber and BP's drilling contract with Libya. Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi, also known as the Lockerbie Bomber, was sentenced for life imprisonment after the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which killed 270 people. (There is speculation that he was simply a scapegoat, but that is a topic about which I know too little.) He was released last year to a hero's welcome in Libya due to a diagnosis of terminal prostate cancer. This obviously raised quite the disturbance in Scotland, as many wondered why a man who senselessly killed hundreds should be given compassion at the end of his life. But, that is only the beginning of the story.

It seems that BP, the highly-revered defenders of all that is black and grimy, influenced the UK government's decision to release Megrahi in order to secure an oil contract with Libya. If BP did not already seem like the dominatrix of the world, whipping us while we enjoyed it, now BP appears to be Hedonism Bot from Futurama, basically doing whatever feels like it would give them pleasure.



Corporate greed at its finest. So, what happens now? Well, if I were president (which only happens in approximately 3 of the infinite parallel universes), I would likely cut all contracts with BP, have them fined, and send them to work on the next Michael Bay movie because, let's face it, Transformers 2 was worse than waterboarding.

On a side note, I'm pretty sure those Russian spies caught in the US were the rejects from the KGB, since the information they were searching for could easily be found on the internet. Hell, it's posted on whitehouse.gov, opensecrets.org, etc. They were probably the kids who ate the crayons during KGB school.

That's all for now,
Das Flüg

P.S. Check out my friend's and my Youtube channel at www.youtube.com/uguestsproductions. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll subscribe to our channel because you love us. :)

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Summer Blues

So, my summer vacation is more than half done, and I have spent the majority of my time in my underwear. I call that a productive summer.

My friend and I have also succeeded in finally making our much (somewhat) anticipated foray into Youtube videos. Yay.

The world is the same as it was the day before, spinning around on its axis whilst orbiting the sun. Not much goes on. Yup.

Be sure to subscribe to our channel on Youtube. If you don't, well, let's just say that a whole lotta hurtin' biblical style is coming your way.



That's all for now,
Das Flüg

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Flotsam

So, this week there was a lot of hullabaloo about where some jejune character named "LeBron James" would play "basketball" next "season." I even saw that people in "Cleveland" burned his "jersey." (I'll stop with the quotes now.) I find it fascinating when we do something so symbolic, so powerful, to someone who plays basketball. Basketball. Seriously. It's not like he's killed anyone or is currently occupying your native country. He plays basketball.

For all I could have cared, he could have chosen to get a sex change and move to Reno; it would not have impacted my life in the least. I don't understand how people are so riled over this. Maybe it's just me.

I mean, there are more important issues to care about, such as the humanitarian crisis in Gaza, the current rise of Chechnyan rebels, the World Cup, large banks pilfering our money from under our noses, Glenn Beck's bullshit, civil war in Uganda, China's human rights record, global warming, pollution, alternative energy, the BP oil spill, the Republican fight to lift the ban on offshore drilling, Arizona's immigration law, rising unemployment, the degradation of American schools, or maybe even the search for Dick Cheney's heart. My point is, there are much more important things to care about and burn effigies for, and basketball certainly isn't one of them.

That's all for now,
Das Flüg

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Unwanted Guests Productions!

We've come out with a side-project, which will air weekly. Enjoy!



El Fluggo

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Movie Review: Dragons Forever

Jackie Chan has always been known for his astounding acrobatics and comedic follow-throughs; in Dragons Forever, he completes his usual routines and more in what I can only describe as one of his funniest movies. (It took a bit of insinuation on my part to understand all the jokes, as the subtitles I had for the movie weren't that good.)

Chan continues his epithet of "good guy" as a lawyer, in this case defending the owner of an industry that is polluting a nearby lake. He's quickly established as a Casanova, asking any and every pretty girl, excluding his assistant, to have lunch with him. In pursuing his client's case, he hires his two friends to spy on and coerce the owner of the lake into selling it to the industrial overlord. What ensues is a touching romance, extraordinary comedy and extraordinarily impressive acrobatics. The movie culminates in what can only be described as one of Jackie's best fight scenes against what appears to be a gay Nazi vampire.


That's all for now,
Das Flüg

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Gulfing for Par

Excuse the witty but obvious pun.

It is currently day 70-something of the BP Oil Spill, or as it is also called, the "Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill" (bit more innocuous), and very little has been made in the way of progress towards ending it. It has become the worst oil spill in human history, and will likely become the worst, if not one of the worst, ecological disasters this planet has ever seen outside of the ice ages. So, the burning question on everyone's mind is likely "Who burns at the stake for this?"

First, BP. During congressional hearings, BP employees testified that parts supplied by subsidiary companies such as Halliburton were to blame (as if Halliburton didn't cause enough grief to this world already); Halliburton shunted the blame elsewhere, and, in the end, no one carried the brunt of the blame. Still, there is confusion as to where, what, and at whom to point fingers.

Obviously, BP is largely at fault. They committed over 200+ safety violations over the past 3 years, all of which were allowed to pass by the MMS (Minerals Management Service). Members of the MMS, if I remember correctly, received over 1,000,000$ in campaign funds and other miscellaneous contributions from oil companies. In fact, there are stories that members of the MMS and directors on the boards of oil companies went out and had parties with cocaine and prostitutes. So, what is the punishment for this mismanagement of power? As quoted on the MMS website, "Secretarial Order 3302, issued June 18, 2010 renames the Minerals Management Service to the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management, Regulation, and Enforcement (BOEMRE). The name change is effective immediately." Hey, it's a good tactic in some ways; you can't blame an agency that doesn't technically exist anymore. Either that, or coke is a hell of a drug.

There will be some people who blame Obama for such reasons as authorizing the oil spill to "promote green energies" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l9U6Cjodho), or those who blame George Bush, Bill Clinton, Reagan, etc. While each of those names does share a portion of the blame for this crisis, the ultimately culpable person is the American electorate. As a whole, we elected incompetent, immoral men without fact-checking, are relatively dispassionate about serious developments in clean fuel, and allow people who seem knowledgeable to sway our opinions on any subject. Wake up call? Maybe. Call to action? Probably not.

The American electorate is classically apathetic in all matters of politics. Maybe if we paid more attention to politics than to, say, Justin Bieber and his entire life, this disaster could have been averted. Now, in the words of Peter Griffin...


That's all for now,
Das Flüg